[post from the archives]
I read these daily thoughts in a little book that is a compilation of women writers. Above is a quote from September 2. I found this “ironic” because it is exactly what I am going through. Learning to forgive.
While I am in the process of facing these things called insecurities, I am trying to forgive myself and those who have caused these annoying little guys to hang around. Some of the things I am working through are issues that have accumulated over 9 years. I have allowed them to settle in and make a home, though I didn’t even realize they were settling in until I started addressing my issues with fear & anxiety.
I thought I had handled all the sadness, bitterness, and self-consciousness that evolved from an unhealthy relationship. And while there is something with-in me that would love to just word vomit ALL OVER the person that has caused pain and let them know what they did was wrong and unjust, I know it wouldn’t do any good. When someone is set in there ways of not wanting to grow or to not take personal responsibility- it’s like talking to a wall. My words would go in one ear and out the other.
There are going to be people in your life that you will never satisfy. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO they will have their opinion and a quick tongue on who you are and what you are doing with your life. I’ve said this before and I will say it again because it’s something that is incredibly hard for me to live by, “I can’t change their perspective or response but I can control how I respond to it”. Forgiveness is not an emotion but an act of will.
I will not allow all the jabs, manipulation, and hurtful words control my emotions. It’s ok for me to be sad, and hurt but it’s not ok for it to settle and make a home. So I tell myself “I will not respond out of anger to those that have caused pain but out of grace.” THAT IS SO HARD but I know that if “I don’t master my emotions my emotions are going to master me.” I dont want to sit around and let bitterness settle. That will affect other relationships that are so dear to me.
Who are you trying to forgive and what have you learned about yourself along the way?