When I wrote the title of this post,
(all but two seconds ago….)
I named it the “girl” I want to be.
But even that wasn’t good enough.
“E N O U G H”
The word that haunts me, and has for years.
The word I never am.
The word I never WAS.
I am enough.
The phrase that provides me with more strength than any other.
The only thing that should matter to me is how I feel about myself.
Most days I come up lacking.
And because of the old phrase that pounded through my thoughts,
I often feel a sense of hopelessness.
And here, on this, MY corner of the internet, I stand to say that the woman I want to be does not yet exist.
But the woman I dream of becoming is often the one I portray online.
She is confident.
Full of self love.
& knows exactly who she is and does NOT apologize for that woman through any words, THOUGHTS or actions.
In other words, she is perfect.
And I am here to say, she does not exist.
Nor will she ever.
Who I am today is enough.
And it will always be.
And as I work so very hard to become more, I know that change will occur.
That my rampant insecurities will each be replaced with a vote of confidence, in myself.
That I will replace all of my self-loathing thoughts with nothing but those of self-love.
That my love for myself will be apparent as I stand with my mouth closed, just being ME.
That my need to numb my emotions with food, books, and TV dramas will become a thing of the past as I continue to learn about and find passion in becoming healthy; that being healthy will become my way of life, and not just something to dream about.
That my bravery will not be at the expense of others. Ever.
That my honesty won’t either.
That being kind will come naturally and won’t ever seem forced through fake smiles or insincere comments.
That being bold will only occur if I am fighting to love myself even more.
That I won’t just SAY I know who I am, but I will ACT like it.
That one day I can show people through my actions what it means to be SURE.
But until then, my hard work will be enough.
As it always has been.
Written and loved on by Hailey Reed