My story isn’t about my past or the things I’ve gone through. We all have hardships, fear, ridicule, disappointments, heartbreaks and insecurities. My story is about how I chose to deal with the circumstances I was put in.
At first I chose food. Then I chose a blade. Then I chose a toilet. Then I chose men. Then I chose not eating. And then, I chose to fight.
But it really wasn’t so much of a choice, as it was not having a choice. Not having any other way of knowing how to deal with what I was feeling. Not knowing that I was worth more than the downward spiral I was on.
Instead of looking at the first 18 years of my life with regret, I look at it as what has shaped me. I view my past as the launching pad to the rest of my life. If everything I have gone through has given me the strength and wisdom to inspire at least one person, thats enough for me. I want to be an example. I want to show people that at that moment, that moment where you have nothing left to give, that moment where suicide seems like the only option, that there is hope. There is recovery. There is freedom.
I am not perfect. I am still at war with the demons in my head. But now I have the strength to fight, because I know I am worth it.
Written and loved on by Alex Heidner