Growing up it’s easy to believe that everyone loves like family. You expect everyone to be warm and welcoming. Until you get to middle school… And then they start calling you names because you have tight curly hair, and you wear glasses.
It’s the girls who laugh at you and the guys who mock you for liking someone. It’s the guy you like who gives you that pity smile, which ends up making you feel like you will always be pitied and unloved. It’s Mom and dad who loved you the best they could growing up, but then life got in the way and it dwindled. Less “I love you’s” come from their lips and more “Why can’t you do more, be better, be the top of your class” take their place.
And then your self worth becomes something that’s measured by a letter on a piece of paper, and you try your very hardest but academics have never been your thing.
Then you look for your self worth in others and those oh so dreaded dating days begin. One day you are everything he wants and the next day you are fighting to be good enough for him to keep his eyes on just you. For two years you fight the constant battle of trying to keep the relationship afloat, despite being cheated on time and time again.
Or at least that’s been my story.
No amount of cutting or suicidal thoughts ever gave me peace; I’ve just realized that I have to love myself for someone else to be able to love me.
Yes, I still have days where I simply just do not wanna exist, but I remember it’s just a bad day – not a bad life. Every storm runs out of rain, and there is a rainbow at the end of the storm.
I’m so worth loving, not matter what happened to me in the past.