Everybody is watching me.
They think I’m a pig.
I’m the fat one of the family.
Why can’t I just leave?
If you’re anything like me, you’ve had these thoughts at your personal Thanksgiving dinner with your family.
For me, I have petite aunts, one of which is a pageant queen, and high metabolisms of uncles. I ended up being the taller and bigger one of the family.
It was even worse being around these lovely people when I struggled with an eating disorder. Every move I made with a fork to my mouth seemed analyzed by all who were around me, especially my perfect-looking family. I constantly felt like the slob of the group; the flowy skirt-wearing slob. I’ve never really been as primped and pretty as the others, so dealing with a disorder that causes you to over-think everything that you do makes things worse.
Obviously, Thanksgiving was a living Hell for someone who would rather not eat, but it comes every year, so it’s inevitable to avoid for life.
Moving forward, I have been ED clean for a year and almost three months, and I can tell you that yes, it did suck. It completely sucked to feel watched and judged for eating even a morsel of food. It sucked to be always compared to my Barbie-like aunt (she’s only two years older than me so we are more like cousins) when I will never look that perfect, that put-together. I will never fit into the tiniest jeans, and I will never be the same height as my family.
It sucked but I got through this, and you can get through this.
You are not alone in your thoughts and your feelings towards life.
Tomorrow might be hard for you, but know that we aren’t watching you, but we are wanting you.
We want you to stick around, so do your body a favor (or flavor) and take some of that turkey and dressing. If you’re feeling crazy, grab some pie too. You deserve it, and it’s not because you have succeeded at not eating. It’s because you are you and an honor like that always deserves food.
We are thankful that you’re here.
Have your cake and eat it too.
Written and loved on and covered in gravy by Karlye Hayes