By: Suzi Davenport
Like most fifteen year old girls, I dreamed of finding the perfect boyfriend in high school - a story straight out of A Cinderella Story or The Princess Diaries. As all of my friends got their first boyfriends, first kisses, and first heartbreaks, I looked on, growing more insecure by the day. My best friend, through no fault of her own, seemed to attract all of the boys I liked, and they would often come to me to get her number, try to figure out whether she liked them back, etcetera, etcetera. With each crush that liked her over me, I felt more and more insecure.
Then one day, things seemed to be looking up. A boy was talking to me, flirting with me, and I slowly felt my confidence being built up again. We talked for several months, flirting, hanging out, having deep conversations about life. Several days before the Christmas holidays, all that confidence shattered. He told me that he had only been talking with to make my best friend jealous - he, like so many others, liked her over me. But don’t worry, he said. If she says no when I ask her out, I’ll ask you out.
That was my breaking point.
I stopped talking to my best friend, angry at her for being so beautiful and kind and attracting all of the boys. I became paranoid about my friendships - were my friends only friends with me because I was friends with her? I completely curled into myself for months. I would cry myself to sleep, wondering why everyone seemed to look over me - was I not pretty enough? Not witty enough? My sixteenth birthday passed in a hazy cloud of depression and a complete lack of self worth.
By the end of that summer, after about eight months of feeling terrible about myself, I decided that this was not the way I wanted to live my life. I wanted my friends back, and most importantly, I wanted my self worth back. I slowly eased back into my social life, nervous and struggling to hide my insecurities. Finally, I opened up to several of my friends about what I had been struggling with. To my great surprise, they didn’t leave me to deal with my problems alone - they were there for me, they assured me of my self worth, and they made an effort to love on me.
I’m now nineteen, and I can honestly say that I’m mentally in the best place I’ve been in my life. I’m happy - I’ve learned that single or not, I’m worthy of love. I’m no longer focused on relationships. I’ve found people who care about me deeply, who love on me and remind me of my worth even in my worst moments. When I found So Worth Loving through a friend’s Instagram several months ago, I was so excited that there was a brand dedicated to self-worth and self-love, because it’s something that is so desperately needed in this broken world, and a resource I would have killed to know about four years ago. I hope my story will encourage you to reach out to people you trust and tell them your struggles - they love you and they will fight for you. Remember, you are so worth loving.