Ask A Mom - Do I Give This Man A Second Chance?

First of all thank you for being there for me. 

My question is about second chances. And it involves a man (go figure) but my heart is involved so I need a moms advice.

I was with a man for a short period of time earlier this year. We fell hard and fast, only to find a few months in,  he wasn't wanting to commit ( he had previously broken off a long term engagement  prior to meeting me). I was crushed and he was aloof and confused.he doesn't like "labels" in relationships...which I personally think is ridiculous if you've found someone toy actually want to invest time and energy in. Regardless...read on. 

Months go by, he dates other people, I date other people, and we suddenly find ourselves crazy about each other again as of recently. He's apologized for how things ended between us and wants to give it another try- if I'm open to it. 

I'm trying to forgive and not harbor any bitterness for what has happened between us in the past.....but do I give this man a second chance? 

He's 31

I'm 28

No kids, neither married

Help, mom! 

//

Britt,

I have been thinking about how to respond to this for several days.  Mostly when I answer these questions I do it in the framework of how I would answer if I was answering a question from one of my daughters.  We have a very open relationship and I have always answered questions honestly and openly when they asked me something.  Also, they have always been pretty straight forward with me.  So Britt, that is how I am going to answer this question with you.

First of all and most importantly is: be careful of your heart.  I am reading between the lines here but it seems to me that he may have blown you off a few months ago and now he has changed his mind and you are uncertain if you can trust him.   It seems pretty evident that he is not protecting your heart so YOU should.  It's ok to move forward but allow him to prove that he deserves to have your heart again before you commit.  The fact that he was in a long term engagement and then didn't want to pursue a relationship with you and now does but doesn't like "labels",  doesn't speak very highly of his integrity.  I think that you can forgive and not harbor any bitterness about the past if you hold yourself to a higher standard and accountable.  In other words, keep your relationship with him platonic and not intimate.  In this way, you will have a much clearer head about where you stand. It's okay to make him prove that he is worthy of you.  Especially since he didn't appreciate you the first time he had a chance.  Relationships between men and women are always a give and take.   When one of the individuals realizes its the giving that is the gift then you have a partial relationship.  When you both realize its about the other person, and giving to them, then you have something that works.  I don't know you but I DO know that you are a person who is worth the best kind of love because we all are.  As women, sometimes we sell ourselves short especially when it comes to men.  Don't make that mistake.

Honor yourself first and let him see your value.

SWL Mom