By Mikayla Christiansen
Anxiety captured me today. Stress overwhelmed me to the point where I almost cried on multiple occasions.
My heart is so loosely tied to the seams right now. It's being pulled to so many different directions.
Today reminded me of the one night I slept in a waiting chair and heard a family starting to come in. Hugs of welcome were exchanged and each of them talked about how great of a fighter their grandfather was. I slept for a little longer and heard a cheer come from their side of the room. I remember feeling as if they were so selfish. They were so selfish to cheer and celebrate how their loved one would be okay while I had been in that chair waiting for my dad to pass -- while I had been there for over a day, a night, not receiving a single piece of good news. They were there for a few hours and received it. I just couldn't shake how reckless their celebration had been.
Every day, I walk past people who are struggling. Who find bitterness in joy.
Now, looking back, I wonder how people see me through their eyes. How do hurting people see me when I celebrate and laugh and find joy in goodness? How do struggling people see me when I walk seemlessly and smile?
No, not how selfish of them. How selfish of me.
How selfish of me to not celebrate a life.
My heart was so hardened that it couldn't beat for what other's beated for. My perspective was so turned that I couldn't seek goodness. I didn't see the meaningfulness behind this before. I didn't see, because my eyes were so blinded from bitterness.
Now, I see. I see that prayers were answered that night. I see that Jesus had His arms wrapped around me tight. He brought me in and gave me so much comfort. He remained faithful even when my faith was lacking. Even as my heart is anxious now, I can still see His gentle hands working. As I am overwhelmed, I still have a Jesus who will give me rest.
Change your perspective. You are going to go through stuff, but instead of just trudging through, grow through it. Let the loose ends of your heart be pulled together with the sweet truth that there is a love so powerful that it does not compromise.